Tuesday, May 5, 2015

A Third Graders Revenge


Honestly, I didn’t think I’d get around to posting anymore awkward stories before I headed off on my mission for a year and a half, which is a real shame, because I have a couple stories in storage. Well, guess I can post them when I get back?

But then I remembered this gem of a story.
This beautiful, beautiful gem.

It takes place in the third grade.

Now, most of my elementary school career is kind of a blur. I remember memories here and there, I remember how I felt in certain situations, but one thing I CAN’T forget is how I felt about certain people.

And . . . well there was this certain bully I dealt with on occasion in third grade. But I gained spunk in third grade, so I actually started talking back to the bullies, though usually they were REALLY lame comebacks.

But anyway.

There was this certain bully who we’ll call Marlee. I don’t know what it was about her, but she just really liked to yell at me and ridicule me and just be a downright bratty third grader.

I don’t remember what my stupid comebacks to her were, but I’m sure they were fantastic.
I also don’t know why this gem of a memory came back to me so vividly, but oh boy. I am SO glad it did.

It was recess. In third grade, my classroom was in the outside portable, right next to the tetherball court and swing sets. Generally during recess, I would hang out in the shade because I’m an epic nerd who has a sun allergy. But this day was different. It was cloudy, windy, and somewhat cold. Most people hate this kind of weather. I, however, thrive in it.

So, taking advantage of the beautiful weather for me, I started hanging around the tetherball courts with my elementary school best friend, Katharine. Suddenly, Marlee’s EXTREMELY obnoxious voice which still haunts me TO THIS DAY yells something at me.

I don’t remember what she said, but I turned around from the tetherball courts. She was sitting on the steps of the portable.

I walked right up to the bottom step, and she stood up. 

I'm pretty sure we looked something like this:


Now, Marlee was ridiculously short. She’s still ridiculously short. So as she stood on the top step of the portable and faced me, who was at the foot of the steps, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that this was one of the few times in life where she could actually see OVER someone’s head.

Not that there’s anything wrong with short people, I’m just insulting her cause she bullied me.

I still don’t remember what she said, but I STILL remember her OBNOXIOUSLY squeaky voice just ridiculing and yelling at me! Ugh.

I stood there and gave her the best glare my third-grade-self could muster and just stared her down, with my fists clenched.

And then, it happened.

Out of both nostrils, snot started streaming out all over her face.
It poured.
And poured.
And poured.

I remember her screeching as she cupped the snot in her hand. And it didn’t stop. That waterfall of snot just kept coming.

I’m pretty sure I had the most Satanic smile on my face as I watched this play out.

Then she looked at me and screamed, “GET ME A TISSUE!”
And being the good Samaritan I was, I did.

Kind of.
I walked away like this:



I turned around slowly, and walked towards the school. Very, very slowly. I could still hear her squawking loudly, sounding similar to those mice on Cinderella. I remember turning and looking over my shoulder to start seeing kids congregate around her. And the snot continued to stream.

I took a nice little stroll to the school, gave the hall monitor my name, walked nicely to the yellow tiled, florescent lighted bathroom, grabbed a single paper towel and left the bathroom.

By the time I got back to her, a large group of kids were around her, watching her.
Which I’m sure she loved cause Marlee loves attention.

. . . I’m only a little bitter, okay?!

I walked up to steps of the portable calmly and there was a small window between the kids where I could see Marlee. Now the stream had stopped, but she was still covered it wet goo.
And I tossed the paper towel at her and watched it land at her feet, then walked away.

Oh third-grader-self. I wish I could go back in time and hug you.

Now, before I go, I just want to take a moment and thank EVERYONE who read this blog! I will really, really, really miss writing these stories, and just writing in general. I am amazed by the response I got from this blog; I've now received 11,000 views, and I am SO grateful and so touched by everyone who has taken the time to read this!

Please continue sharing these stories with those you know. I write to be read and want people to continue reading. 

I hope to pick this back up once I return from my mission! Although I will miss this, I am VERY excited for this amazing and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be able to dedicate all my time to the Lord. I wouldn't trade this opportunity for anything.

Stay awkward. 
Especially on Tuesdays. 

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