Friday, August 23, 2019

Watching the last episode of a series with zero context: Pretty Little Liars

DISCLAIMER: 
I'm too lazy to edit this. I apologize for all grammar and spelling errors. Forgive me.

For those of you who don't know, I'm starting a new, temporary series on this blog in which I watch just the very last episode/movie of a series I've never seen\. I need to come up with a clever name for it. If you come up with something, let me know.

This weeks? Pretty Little Liars.

Image result for pretty little liars opening credits gif

What I know about 'Pretty Little Liars' before watching the last episode:

It was a book series.

It follows a group of teenager girls.

I'm pretty sure they murdered someone.

I'm pretty sure they're all in high school.

I think one of the characters is a brunette.

Aaaaaand .... that's it. That's all I know.


Okay, here's my thought process while watching Pretty Little Liars: 

DEAR GOODNESS. AN HOUR AND A HALF SERIES FINALE?! AND I THOUGHT 45 MINUTES WAS LONG.

I'm not gonna be able to make it through in one sitting.

. . . is this what insanely rich people talk about? Purses? Ice panty liners?

. . . why is a tap dancer dancing by?

. . . why is a fancy lady on a horse coming by and they're not even dazed by it? Is this a dream?

. . . why is it snowing?

. . . what is happening?

Okay, so this chick is in a psychotherapy center? Or a jail? And she was hallucinating this?

Alright so a murder is definitely involved. How the crap did they drag on one murder for seven seasons?

Is this chick feeding a baby the same chick that was in the therapy house? I'll think of the proper name for that later.

Are they a lesbian couple? Or is that her nanny?

Okay, okay, wait. This chick is riding a super fancy horseback riding outfit. Let's be real here, it would NOT be that crisp and clean and . . . unwrinkly. Same with the fences. If she ACTUALLY road a horse, the fences wouldn't be that clean. Neither would that car. Why is everything in this show so clean? Why are rich people's houses so clean? Why have none of these shows featured poor people?

Toby was in Africa?! I wanna go to Africa.

High school students do not participate this much in class.

Why does this teacher look the same age as all the students?

Oh, she's definitely lesbian.

Bahahahahahahahaha this is so cheesy.

. . . did she just say something like . . . she wanted someone to kill that teenage girl?

Please, teachers don't care this much about bullying.

Oh, I've seen this scene on YouTube. (The blind girl approaching the mean high school student.) I didn't know it was from this show.

Okay, I'm sorry. This is CHEESY. Nobody talks like this in real life.

HEY THEY TALKED ABOUT THE ADORONDACKS! I've been there.

I . . . don't think people combine bachelor/bachelorette parties.

Ah, an empty chair and dramatic music. This is good.

Girl wearing a hoodie and dramatically staring at them through the bushes. Dramatic.

Oh, yeah she's a lesbian.

Ah, the girl is continuing to stair dramatically through windows while wearing a hoodie. Am I supposed to recognize her? Also, why do people up to no good dress so suspiciously? You think they'd do the opposite. You know, try to blend in.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SHE LITERALLY RIPPED OFF A FACE MASK OH THIS IS HILARIOUS.

Okay also I think she's the girl who disappeared from the house earlier. I think. I dunno. Mona! That's her name. I think it was Mona.

Okay I literally have no idea.

Who is Mona and why does everyone hate her?

. . . . Mona tried to push her off the bell tower? Why in the world is she still associating herself with her? If someone tried to push me off a bell tower - mentally unstable or not - I would never speak to them AGAIN.

Oh my gosh. Teachers don't care this much about bullying. And nobody talks like this.

Okay why was the brunette chat all cuddly and lovey with Toby yesterday and all distant and weird today? Geez.

"You think I'm wrong about Mona?"

SHE TRIED TO PUSH YOU OFF A FREAKEN BELL TOWER.

Geez she's NUTS.

Oh my gosh Aria is infertile and for some reason I'm now panicking that I'm infertile. AM I INFERTILE?

Okay back to focusing.

Man, this brunette, olive toned chick is GORGEOUS. I'd go lesbian for her.

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Awww, she's proposing. Cute.

Image result for pretty little liars series finale proposal gif

I swear, people don't talk like this in real life.

Okay, who's babies were those at the beginning of the film that these two were with? And where are they now? They went on vacation and two parties and I have yet to see the babies. TWINS, nonetheless.

Oh her stare is terrifying. (Girl who's into Toby is staring at Toby like she's about to murder him. Is she the murderer?)

You know what this show reminds me of? Forever 21. The music, the people, the clothes. I feel like everything in this show could be found inside Forever 21.

Oh boy. Mona just slapped the crap outta the girl that's into Toby. So she WAS the one who was walking around in the hoodie and wearing the weird face mask that she ripped off dramatically. Man, this show is something else.

How did she knock her out with one slap?

What's happening? Who is Mary? Is Mona wearing another face mask to look like Toby's girl?

NOBODY TALKS LIKE THIS.

Wait, okay, so . . . this chick is her British evil twin?

This chick's acting is BUGGING ME.

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OOOHHHHH okay okay okay so is that why she seemed so into Toby one day and then cold the next?  Cause it was actually her British evil twin?

. . . so she's doing all this to sleep with Toby?? What a screwed up motivation. Couldn't she have just been, like, herself?

Okay, so they're twins separated at birth?

Ha I totally called her killing Wre-- oh she wants him to shoot her? What is this messed up crap?

"I have to look exactly like her."
YOU ALREADY DO THERE'S LITERALLY NO DIFFERENCES.

What the what. Why'd he only shoot her in the chest?

Oh, I called her killing him. Ha. I was right.

This is so . . . bizarre.

And yet, I still believe I'd seen an evil twin inside of Forever 21.

EM. Em is the name of the lesbian girl I'd turn lesbian for. She's GORGEOUS.

Oh, hey, the babies back.

Aaaaand Wren's the father. Okay then.

Whyyyyy does it look like this nurse was straight out of the 20's. Like these girl's are in their 20's and DEFINITELY takes place in modern day. Realistically this doesn't make sense.

Okay so the good twin's mom took the fall for a murder this chick and her friends committed? And was like lol sorry but I'm gonna keep you locked up. DUDE RELEASE HER AND RUN AWAY.

Also I don't like Arie's dress.

Image result for pretty little liars final episode gif

Oh, good. Ezra's here.

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OOOHHH okay so the evil twin is the one that was black mailing them about the murder?

I don't know why this actress bugs me. Maybe because her British accent seems a bit . . . forced? Exaggerated?

Ha. Watch. I'll find out that this actress is really British and her true accent is American. I'm dying.

NOBODY TALKS LIKE THIS.

I don't GET it. Like, her British accent isn't BAD. But it BUGS me. I really can't pinpoint why.

Oh the blind girl knows what's UP.

Oh, hey. There's 15 minutes left. I didn't think I'd make it through.

Okay, okay, okay wait. Why haven't they called the cops?

Also, wait. The blind chick is like "you smell different" and then Toby's like THERE'S AN EVIL TWIN and then ALL the girls are like YUP YOU'RE RIGHT. How did they get to that conclusion so quickly?!

Oh, hey. There's Mona. Oh boy. Do people spy on me via my webcam?

Okay, so evil twin punches mom in the face and somehow knocks her out? By a PUNCH in the NOSE? I've never been punched, but I'm pretty sure you don't get knocked out by the punch in the NOSE.

Oh, okay this fortress is INSANE. And kinda dope.

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE CALL THE COPS.

GUY'S DON'T SPLIT UP.

. . . how did evil twin have the money to build this? And how?? like this is a HUGE under ground area.

Oh, good. Someone WAS responsible and DID call the cops. That's good.

okay NOW what dress is Aria wearing? Like I know she postponed the wedding cause he got kidnapped, but she still could've gotten a good use out of her dress.

I . . . . . . wait okay so the good twin is now with Toby when the evil twin was with Toby the entire time? Does Toby even want that? Does the good twin even want that? Also, what happened to her mom? Did the nose punch kill her?

Those are creepy dolls. That is a creepy child.

Wait is that Mona and Toby together? That's Mona . . . is that seriously Toby??? Living in France? As she stares suspiciously out a window? I'm so confused. Or does that dude just LOOK like Toby?

Oh she crazy.

What am I watching? What am I lookingn at?
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. So Mona now has the mom and evil twin in her own fortress? I am CREEPED. OUT. And was that or was that not Toby?

Also . . . . . . the bully being killed . . . . . . . WHAT WAS THAT?

Final thoughts:

. . . DID THEY ALL GET AWAY WITH MURDER?

DID I MAKE THAT MURDER PLOT UP IN MY HEAD?

I AM SO CONFUSED.

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